Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Breaking the Google Habit: A 12 Step Program













1. Admit you are powerless. Life without Google is unmanageable.

2. Believe that there is a greater resource out there. Not just a better search engine. Nor a decision engine. Not even a life engine. Let's call it an algorithm. Oh wait, that's didn't work. How about the Big G? Scratch that, too close for comfort. Just believe in something greater, ok?

3. Remove all toolbars. Even if they don't default to Google, the temptation will always be there lurking on your browser.

4. Disable all Google alerts. If something is that important you'll find out about it sooner or later. Isn't that what Twitter's for anyway?

5. Quit Gmail, YouTube, Blogger, Picasa, Google Maps, GOOG-411 and all those other Google-owned products. They were only created to try and get you to do more searches.

6. Stop using AOL. It'll only send you right back into the clutches of the disease, er... Google SERPs.

7. Tell your mother to stop using AOL. While she's finally figured out that AOL is not the Internet, she does have a nasty habit of "Googling" everything and telling you to Google it too. She is an enabler.

8. Don't read blogs. Most of them are supported by Google AdSense. The more you read, the more likely you are to click on an ad and feed the beast.

9. Don't do any research projects, write papers or any other activities that requires fact-checking and citation. They will only have you knocking on Satan's, er... Sergey's door.

10. Make a list of people to reach out to and make amends with them. Apologize for all the searching you'd been doing and vow to come to them first for directions, restaurant reviews, sports scores and other requests for information. If they tell you to Google it, de-friend them (in real life, not on Facebook) -- they are not your real friends. They are enablers.

11. Take personal inventory of all your assets. That goes for health records, desktop files, books, etc. You don't need Google to keep them at the ready for you. Just make copies yourself and store them in a safe place. Remember to do this on a daily basis, though, so you always have the most updated versions.

12. Have a spiritual awakening. Move into a cabin in Montana where the Internet cannot reach you. Live a life of soltitute and desolation. Write a manifesto decrying technology. Never worry about needing that pesky Google again. But, please, stop short of sending bombs in the mail.

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails